The Refuge

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Bishop Lord Irving the Implacable of Snotting on Wold Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Grand Duke Irving the Dissolute of Lower Slaughter Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Milord Earl Irving the Mellifluous of Deepest Throcking Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

As more years pass and I get older, I quickly am solidifying my stance on wanting to stay connected to the Eastside. Gone are the days where I wish I lived in a slick condo in Coal Harbour or the West End. I would love for a house near Trout Lake just like Sashe and Andrew wants or a home by/near Commercial Drive (in the nice area, not the dodgy end). This is not to say that I want to be poor or whatever or anything clicheed with those in the Eastside. I just feel so more vivacious and aware when living in the East.

The friends I know that live in the West End, Downtown, Kits, Westside core that are satisfied by all they have in those areas know next to nothing about the rest of the city or surrounding area. You all know how I am with obliviousness and utter ignorance about the world you live in. I just feel that by isolating myself in the comforts and conveniences of the Westside, I will ignore the rest of the city and the other goings-on in our small cosmopolitan.

Take for example an argument I had with a Westender over whether Trout Lake is in Vancouver. She was adamantly sure that Trout Lake was in Burnaby and blithely ignored the fact that I told her I live a 10-minute walk from Trout Lake. I mean, I'm sure part of it is her being dumb and stubborn about something she totally has no clue in. But I mean, Trout Lake is right beside Commercial Drive! How much more Vancouver can it be? Funny enough, this little confusion over the location of Trout Lake occurred again today when a CTV female anchor incorrectly threw to Tamara Taggart (so cute) stating she was at, "Trout Lake in Burnaby." Tamara politely corrected her but was met by a stunningly stupid, "Oh really?"

You also know what is dumb about this isolation aspect of living Downtown? Our isolation in Vancouver is a false one generated by planned geography. I can understand people in Manhattan not knowing about ALL the events in the city but NYC is huge and genuinely a world of its own. The fact that I have, on occasion, walked from my house to Stanley Park and then back to Main St. then to Commercial Drive to shop is a testament to the fact that our Vancouver is still comfortably sizeable, hardly large enough to warrant arrogant isolation - or it is a testament to my walking ability but whatever.

By living in the Eastside, I will absorb the community news of the area. And since I will inevitably be thrown news from the more important Downtown and Westside, I will be well rounded in my civic experience. It's very down to Earth in paradise. And I love it.

I've come to realize that I have never been one to risk it in life. I've never been the one to risk life and limb or even dare to put the body first at anything. It explains a hell of a whole lot about why I'm a bit rotund but still, wouldn't this inability to take physical risk be an indication of something more? Even in the instances where I have risk bodily harm, it was under calculated conditions and in more controlled environments. At what point does this safe-minding result in a debilitating fear of living? Or does it even matter?

With the inevitable balances in the universe, my caution with my external self would result in the extreme carelessness I have with my internal self. If not physical, I surely do risk it emotionally. It's not a risk in that "heart on his sleeve" kinda way - it's a bit more pathological. While you can be guarded with your outer self - I mean, all it takes is a second of thought before just going for that roll dive for the ball - controlling my emotions certainly takes a lot more discipline. Certainly, given the abundance of anti-depressants and angsty teens, one would think that emotional fluxes create more trauma than physical ones. I mean, the whole point of terrorism is not the actual act of blowing a building up, but to stoke the fires of fear into the general population.

So why is it that I am so unafraid of laying bare my soul to the world when I know that as much as I can soak in positive rays of emotions that I will take an equal amount of tears and scratches?

You Are Different and That's Bad

The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

Dad's New Wife Robert

Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share

Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book

The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking.

Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

All Cats Go to Hell

The Little Sissy Who Snitched

Some Puppies Can Fly

That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption

Grandpa Gets a Casket

The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

Strangers Have the Best Candy

Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

You Were an Accident

Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games

The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan

Your Nightmares Are Real

Where Would You Like to Be Buried?

Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School

Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

So the Vancouver Water Crisis of 2006 has finally subsided and people are well hydrated now. The snow barrage of 2006 also seems to be coming to a close and much of the invasive white stuff has retreated and the roads are cleared. It's been a trying couple of weeks in paradise but it all seems to be back to normal. I'm found my fondness for this city again, especially after the Vancouver Parks Board voted in favour of the proposed Vancouver Aquarium expansion (only 1 Parks Board member voted against it and that person certainly isn't getting my vote next election).

I graduated and I feel no different. Although I did care more about it as I approached that date. I was #215 and ended up being first in line in one of the processions and I nearly screwed it up all thanks to one of our Professor Emeritus in the Faculty of Science. He told me to go when I shouldn't have but I realized his mistake almost right away but I was already exposed and into the auditorium/hall but I had the werewithal to stop where I was and wait for the right place to continue. Phew. Anywho, the convocation was short and sweet and I took many photos. Whatever.

I'm well into the Christmas Shopping Season and it's already starting to wear me out. You all know how I like order and neatness (in certain things) and I guess I must just slowly realize that that all goes out the window come December. But at least now that I am in a leadership role I can delegate the horrible stuff to other CERs - but I'm smart, I always give crappy stuff to 2 people who like each other rather than just one person so I can give them an excuse to talk and visit. It takes the sting out of it. I'm worried though, my new position is hardly anything worth bragging about but what does one do when even their crappy, low-paying job makes them at least un-miserable (let's not go crazy and use the word 'happy')? I sometimes feel like my GM is grooming me for Retail Management and those two words together just send shivers up and down my spine but I mean, who's to argue with more money?

But overall, I'm not sure how this Christmas will turn out considering that my dad is in Hong Kong until after my birthday in January. I've always said that our family, the 3 of us, work best in the absence of any one of us but without the entire unit, who wants to throw the huge shebang at Christmas? But now that I do have more time, I might put up some decorations. My sisters will probably want Christmas dinner because god knows none of them can put together a feast like my mom and dad (and me to some extent). On the upside, I miraculously was able to time my credit card purchases right so that all my purchases will show up in this statement so that I can start at full credit amount come the new year. I just hope I can keep my spending in check.

So obviously I never did get around to writing those VIFF reviews but that's just how things go though. I'm just coming off a couple of good days and I promised myself that I would cherish these by placing them here on LJ. This will be my last blog before I graduate for real on Thursday. I'm a little nervous, I've even quit drinking alcohol just so I will be fresh and look good on that day. Sigh.

Anywho, I'm just in a rambly mood, partially because I'm running on very little steam after lack of sleep and a 13 hour day. Anywho. Wait, that's my second 'anywho' in one paragraph.

What a week. It sure has been everything but boring. Thursday was particularly interesting considering all that happened while at work. Gotta be vague (corporate restrictions) but my Thursday consisted of firemen and technicians in Hazmat suits, police blockades, store evacuations (for customers, not staff), stressed out fellow employees, hundreds of oogling onlookers making us feel like animals in a zoo, 4 lanes of Robson Street cut off during rush hour, major adrenaline pumps, and me buying my first pack of cigarettes in a long while (shhh...I only told Sashe that I smoked, but I guess now you know that I actually bought my own pack, whatever).

Couldn't help but feel like I was on a Vancouver movie set. Thankfully, I still got to see the screening of 'The Queen' at VIFF. But yeah, too wired to review all 4 films that I saw this year but I swear I'll do it soon. Right now, I just..uhh...gotta head for some fresh air.

I've always been a vain person. It has always bugged me that I'm not 6'2 with cheese grating abs and ironically tossed about hair. But one thing I've never worried much about until recently was my age. I guess because I've been fat or chubby for most of my life, I've always had great and smooth skin. But I now see tiny wrinkles that stare and laugh at me when I look too closely at a mirror. It's nothing crazy and it isn't anything that's causing me any grief but it had really dawned on me that I am getting older now.

How profound huh? I'm getting older.

Of course, the whole pseudo-epiphany is probably brought on more strongly because I'm around stupid teenagers so often. At work, I now supervise a mostly teenaged frontdesk. Some of those cashiers are so sickeningly teenaged that it's like looking into an alien when I consider how far removed I am from those disturbing years of my life. One cashier still talks about getting this label and this brand to impress her friends and talking about how she needs to get a Mercedes to show this other 'biyatch' that she's better than said 'biyatch'. Of course, I gave a big eyeroll. I just can't believe those words still come out of people's mouths.

Then when I'm not at work, I'm tutoring at Gladstone for mostly grade 10's. I'm one of two university tutors that come in to the Tutorial and Education Assistance Center that oversees perr (re: highschool aged) tutors. In our introductions, our teacher superviser says, "And Irving here is also a Gladstone grad, class of 2002." At least a handful of kids express shock and how long ago that was. Sigh. Nothing like horrified gasps make one feel more like a spring chicken.

Well, all I have to say is...and quoting Georgia Lass, "Life sucks then you die....and then it still sucks."

A love letter is what Douglas Coupland's screenplay is being dubbed at both the Toronto International Film Festival and the Vancouver International Film Festival (TIFF and VIFF as they are known). "Everything's Gone Green" was born out of a need felt by Coupland, the erstwhile Vancouver native, to see Vancouver represented for what it is rather than for which city it can look like. It was born out of frustration that as the hub for Hollywood North, Vancouver is rarely given due credit. Thus, a movie that pokes fun at all clicheed Vancouver conventions while celebrating the fact that there really is no other place like Vancouver in this little fucked up world of ours.

I will be seeing this movie on Saturday at VIFF. I will report back with what I thought and what I hope to be an inspiration for more Vancouver loving. With all the anti-Olympics, anti-VanAqua, and general frustration coming from Vancouverites recently, I need something that glorifies this city. And considering that summer has closed and all the tourists are gone, there's no more steady stream of pro-Vancouver comments coming at me.

We'll see.

I clearly remember that day. Waking up early because of the dying breathe of the summer sun bearing feverishly into my room. Instinctively turning on the television and switching over to watch the early morning room. News networks had overused the term 'breaking news' to such a level that seeing it blazing red across the screen did nothing to attract my attention. Even as smoke billowed out of the ridiculously tall tower, I remain unfazed and centre my attention on my own smoking piece of multi-grain toast.

( TV anchors and sepia toned screams of excitement, thrill, and shock on 9/11 )

After five years from the day the entire world changed, that moment remains clear in my head. It was a day of anger, of sorrow, of fear, and of great confusion. There was desperation, panic, pain, and death. As the Paris newspaper Le Monde stated on the headline of the papers from the day after that moment, we were all Americans. And as an American for a day, I felt all that. The world views of many Americans were shattered as they, like my parents, were jostled from sleep. Also like my parents, Americans were slow to realize the true purpose and motivation for the attack.

Seeing the second plane hit the World Trade Centre live as it happened is now a mere memory. A powerful one but just an ethereal mix of chemicals and jumble of neuronal connections, barely tangible. That day, like all memories, soon fades into context with that entire day and for me, that day was a beautiful one. The Indian sun scorched my skin goodbye and I was starting a brand new year, my last, at high school. Like all others of my greatest memories, the sun outshine everything else in it.

I was promoted at work on Sunday. I've risen from the retail robot to the overseer of the cash monkeys. I am now a C.O.D. - a type of fish. It's Cashier-on-Duty which used to be called Senior CER, which was diluted from Senior Cash. It's amazingly like an office type deskjob but I like it. At least I have something to do that's of some use even if it is repeated daily. And it sure keeps me busy since I will be working this entire year in between degrees. Things look good. They really do. I've had a good 2 weeks.

Breaking up with friends is probably one of life's worst things to experience. Everyone knows that people can change in different directions so why is it always so jarring when friendships crumble apart like a badly built sand castle? Just like the many experiences in life that I face now, it's (once again), a miasma. I am glad to be rid of them because they were poisoning me and making me into a person that I hate being but a person that is an integral part of me. I know I was the villain in the break-up but I couldn't stand them anymore. I couldn't tolerate their brand of poison anymore and the constant feelings of being a second class friend. But as with any other failures that I've endured in life so far, there's an overwhelming sense of disappointment and a wish to make reparations. It's a ball of sadness, disappointment, anguish, thrill, relief, and ... joy.

I don't want to be friends with them anymore, or again, but I'm going to have to see them on a regular basis and it's stressful. But there are nice things about dumping them (or being dumped by them) that make other parts of my life so much happier.

Because of them, I really appreciate my closest friends. My true family and the people that I love the most in life. I think about how blessed I am that the ones that can hurt me the most have never caused me a moment of pain. I am thankful for the grace in which my friends have comforted me in my times of stress. I am also comforted to know that the friends that I have kept (and the ones that have kept me) will always be honest with me and not let cracks widen into gaping chasms of difference.

To all my friends, having let go of 6 months and 4 souls of baggage, I declare myself wholly yours and hope that you will continue to be the ones at my side no matter what and be the ones that keep me ... human.

ANNOUNCING AUDITIONS FOR GOOD NOISE VANCOUVER GOSPEL CHOIR

Monday Evening, September 11th
For further information and/or to book your audition time, email gail@goodnoisevgc.com
No "walk-in" auditions will be heard - all audition times must be pre-booked.

Information to Consider:

1. Auditions will be held on September 11th only. We have space to hear 30 singers. Audition Times will be booked on a "First Come, First Serve" basis.

2. We have spaces available in the Soprano, Alto and Men/Tenor Sections.

3. We do not accept women into the Tenor Section. If you have a lower woman's voice, you should indicate that you are auditioning for the Alto section.

4. We accept Baritones, Basses and Tenors into the Men's section, however Baritones and Basses need to be able to sing in their "Falsetto" voice.

5. Singers auditioning must be a minimum of 19 years of age. (No maximum!)

6. "Good Noise" is a Gospel Choir, however the choir is open to singers from all faith traditions who wish to sing Gospel Music.

7. "Good Noise" is a Community Choir and members are required to pay Membership Dues. Our residence is at Christ Church Cathedral, Georgia and Burrard in Vancouver. Our weekly rehearsals and major performances are at the Cathedral.

8. Singers will be asked to prepare a Gospel or Gospel-like song for their audition. Songs are to be sung either unaccompanied or with piano accompaniment. (Please provide printed music if needing piano accompaniment. Accompanist is provided.) No recorded/taped accompaniment is allowed. There will also be vocalize exercises which help to determine/confirm which section voices are suited to.

LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU!

In less than 2 weeks, I will be done with the academic portion of my Bachelor of Science. It's exciting for me because it's something I've been waiting for ever since failing organic chemistry in year 2. It's been something I've been looking forward to ever since I realize that I don't want to go into medical school. In the mean time, I have a stupid 1st year physics course to finish up and I'm studying for a stupid test/midterm for tomorrow. Really, I am working quite hard on this stupid course and still, I'm sucking at it. Stupid physics and real science. Damn you, I say.

But that's neither here nor there to what I really want to convey. It's a complicated feeling I'm experiencing while checking my grades on SSC and seeing a red notation of 'Dean's Honours List' attached to my grades for the last academic year. Undoubtedly, hundreds of my fellow science students received this notation but it's something that I hadn't even thought I'd receive - and to receive one so late in my academic life is somewhat uplifting. I've always smirked at such honours but now I finally realize that they are earned. Damnit. They are and I've been wrong for the last 4 years. It's a miasma of pride, validation, and frustration that I feel but I'll take it in any form. All I know is, the end is near and I can't be any happier or more worried about it...and it feels awesome.

In a final note on this entry, I watched 'Dead Poets Society' at 1am last night after coming home from a great party at Kits. The movie definitely makes me want to be a teacher. Certainly, I don't want to be 'O Captain, my Captain' but I certainly want to be responsible for great men and women of the future if I cannot be one myself.

But on a whole different note:

Check this photo out because in my opinion, this is the funniest but coolest picture I've seen this week.  Rachel McAdams is an actress that I hope will be the next Diane Lane, next Diane Keaton, next Meryl Streep.  And to think that she's Canadian too.  She also seems to have quite a knowledgeable handle on BC Transit as she's seen here at the Cornwall and Arbutus bus stop helping out a pair of Asian tourists figure out where to go.  Haha.  I wonder if they had a clue they were speaking to Ms. McAdams.  Haha. I know we're no where close to being a cool city like New York or London or whatever but it says something about the safety and actual usability of a public transit system when a celebrity feels free to use it as well.  There's also the element that most Vancouverites would never think to disturb celebrities and will only gawk from a far distance, haha.

Oh, I totally stole this off justjared.com.

And no....this is not an anti-Jewish thing. Why can't people criticize Israel without being labelled as Anti-Semitic? I mean, how can one say that about me when I soooo love Jewish culture. But yeah, in light of the frustration I have over the Mideast Crisis (again), I'm mostly posting on my Xanga blog which is my place to put up all my bigoted and misdirected anger the world for the public to see. It's just an outlet and a way to keep this blog relatively curse-free except for my liberal use of the word 'cunt'.

Brandi from Canada's Next Top Model is a moron and a bit of a cunt-muscle.

So I know Sashe has been dealing with me for the past week but I just can't let it go. I finally went online and did my own research and my hair loss definitely should concern me. I looked up my symptoms such as thinning hair (or hair getting more fine) as well as more exposure of the scalp. There are two different causes of this thinning/balding but they all have to do with hormones. Also, according to where I experience the hair loss seems to indicate a type III pattern of balding. Hmm. The various types differ in placement of hair loss area and extent. Sigh.

So much for hoping that I was just going through seasonal hair changes because it's been so warm.

Either case, I'm going to see my doctor during the week to get a referral to the Skin Care Centre to get some medical advice. And I'm not going to be embarrassed if I have to go for Rogaine, really, I'm not. Because that's less embarassing than having a huge bald spot on your crown at 22.

And thanks for saying that it's not looking bad at all but I'm going forward either case. There's no denying that the scalp exposure is growing daily and it's scaring the shit out of me. All I can think about 24/7 is my thinning hair and for something to completely envelope my life like this is ridiculous so I'm going to deal with it. I'm so scared. What happens if my balding is one of those cases where nothing can be done? Will I look good with the Lex Luthor look?

Had a job interview today and because I downgraded my business pants to work pants, I had to quickly buy a new pair of black slacks before the interview. Man, today was not a good day to be wearing black. It was an interview for a Student Advisor (which really just seems to be main secretary and assistant) at Kaplan Test Prep on Broadway and Granville. I dunno, I guess it went well but I'm not really expecting much. I sent my resume in just spontaneously when I saw a listing on Craigslist and didn't even expect a call or reply til later on in the summer. This interview actually comes in a bad time because I can't say that I'm that available although I did emphasize that I will be come late August. But I know employers want availability now when they have applicants which is why I doubt I'll get this job. But it was a good interview to boost my experience considering I've only ever done one interview for getting that thankless job at Chapters. Haha.

I'll know soon enough because they said either way, I'll get a call. But I kinda want to make it through to see the Administrator (the people that interviewed me was one in the same position that I'm interviewing for and the other was the Office Manager) because I get to do a 5 minute presentation on any subject of my choosing. Haha. I can whip out my guppy research powerpoint presentation again, haha.

Gosh did I wish that was the case although I do partially believe in that. I don't believe that families don't lie to each other but I do think family members withhold a lot of stuff from each other and misrepresent themselves a lot. But I came across this little tidbit of wisdom when I visited my cousin (2nd cousin in the West but in Chinese she's more of an auntie...le sigh) Jo because her sister Vi and her 3 kids (James, Mitchell, and Gracie) are visiting from Melbourne for the first time in 7 years.

Mitchell, who I think is 9 now, was only a baby when he was last in Vancouver so he obviously doesn't recognize me. But somehow, and for reasons I fail to understand, kids and babies love me and Mitchell was just all over me with questions. But I can tell he's going to be a cool kid when he grows up because he speaks with this slyness about him. Anywho, he's obsessed with World Cup and he was watching the re-broadcast of the France-Korea game since he's still on Australia time or whatever. Anywho, he didn't want to watch the entire game so he asked me what the result was but when I told him, he didn't believe me. I made a bet where if the score I said wasn't what it was at the end, I would give him 20 bucks and if it was, he would have to finish his writing for the day.

Anywho, in the end, I was right of course since I watched the game and he had to go do his writing. Not that he didn't want to. But he was lamenting not getting $20 when his mom tells him he should've believed me since I was family. Awww...I know but his reaction to that was better. See, Mitchell fervently believes in the teaching above and goes, "Man, I thought Irving was a friend, I didn't know he was family!!" to which Gracie who is 3 replies, "Familes don't lie!!"

It was so 'aww shucks' that I couldn't help but be smacked in the face by the innocence of youth and the altruism of this family shit. There's a real sense of familial connection in hearing that certain amount of trust being thrust upon you just through blood that it makes me all warm inside - don't worry, that shall pass. But I'm old enough to know that lies are a trademark of families and nothing will ever change that.

The whole travelling situation has got me very nervous and all of it adds to my sudden lack of confidence in my schooling.

That is, I kinda don't want to graduate in November but rather in April. Of course, that's not gonna happen because I psyched myself up already to be done with school. The only thing is, I need that 1st year Physics course if I'm going to fulfill the requirements for the Teacher Education Program. I'm supposed to take that PoliSci course with Natalie and as much as I want to, it just seems more 'right' to take the Physics course and get it over with rather than asking to see if exceptions can be made or whatever. I'm not giving up yet though, because the Physics course is full anyway and I'm only registered in the waiting list. Sigh. If I can't even get into the class, I'm going to have to hope for a miracle - because I'm not even sure if I can get into that Graduate Program I've been looking at just because it seems like they choose established professionals looking to upgrade their careers. I'm just not sure how open they are to take in a fresh student who hasn't even worked in the professional world yet. Hmm...if I don't fulfill requirements for that Education program or for that Masters of Health Administration, then what the fuck am I going to do with my B.S. in Animal Biology (considering that I don't want to leave Vancouver because I could always see if I can get into that university in the Thompson River area that has a program in animal care for that animal care tech degree to add on to my B.S).

Now to the whole Asia trip that I'm trying to make happen for myself. Of course, it culminates in the civic nuptials of Sashe and Andrew whom I love dearly. But until I hit Phillipines, I am the focus on my own trip. Haha. See Natalie, I do make everything back to being about me so there. Haha. I was chatting with Natalie last night in a great discussion but it only ended up in making me more confused and unsure of what I really want to see and do in Asia. I know I'm going to go to Hong Kong, that's just a given because if I don't go when I'm not in school or in a career, when the hell will I see my relatives again? But it seems such a waste to be 22 and only visit relatives in Hong Kong which leads me to where else I should go? Right now, it would seem to be Shanghai which I'm told I'd only need a couple of days anyways. I think I'm going to take a tour rather than do the exploring independently thing - it is Asia/China still after all. But I desperately want someone else with me because I'm not the person that likes to experience great things alone - I need someone else there to share my experiences with so I'm going to have to work that angle.

I dunno.